it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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