You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
