No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
