I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
