i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
