i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
