Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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