Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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