Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
