Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Send help, water and tortillas.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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