bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
