Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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