Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
