erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
