saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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