He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
