just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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