so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
