somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
