I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
