Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
