you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
