Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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