everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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