Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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