then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
