I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
