At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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