he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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