I wish my penis had an off switch
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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