Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she looked like the before picture.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
