she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
