I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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