you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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