my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
