Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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