Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
