Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
