wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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