3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
