i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't deserve a penis
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
