My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
