She is in my trunk
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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