The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
