i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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