and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
