So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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