similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
