She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
