i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
