but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
