There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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